Personal vs. Impersonal
Sexuality is an intimate yet essential topic, as it has played a significant role in our lives for decades. A fulfilling and balanced sex life, aligned with individual needs, positively influences our daily well-being. However, our desires and preferences vary, and understanding them is the first step in preventing dissatisfaction and negative experiences resulting from potential disharmony.
The need for intimacy differs from person to person. Patterns of how we connect with others develop in childhood – some people are highly affectionate, while others struggle with closeness, with a broad spectrum in between. Similarly, the level of erotic desire varies, encompassing excitement, physical pleasure, orgasm, the experience of masculinity and femininity, and the expectations associated with them. The role sex plays in our lives depends on various factors, including our relationship status, temperament, stress levels, beliefs, and even our age.
Asexuality refers to the partial or complete lack of sexual attraction, though this does not exclude the presence of emotional connections. A less frequent sex life becomes significant in a relationship when there is a lasting discrepancy in the partners’ needs. However, certain life circumstances – such as illness, stress, fatigue, or changes in family status – naturally push sex into the background.
While sexual needs are partly instinctive, they are more nuanced and controllable than basic urges like hunger or thirst. Although withdrawal symptoms do not appear as quickly or dramatically as with those other needs, their impact on our emotions and physical state can still be felt.
The muscles of the pelvic floor (perineal muscles) can be consciously trained and controlled. Regular, short daily exercises significantly contribute to supporting the pelvic and abdominal organs and regulating bowel and bladder function to prevent incontinence. In women, pelvic floor exercises improve vaginal tone and elasticity, enhancing orgasmic ability, while in men, they influence the duration of erections. Maintaining pelvic floor strength is beneficial for all adults, regardless of age or gender.
Fortunately, many resources are available today for learning effective pelvic floor exercises. We highly recommend the Health Promotion Center’s Kegel exercises video:
We tend to assume that sex brings pleasure, but it often comes with other – sometimes negative – emotions, such as fear, possessiveness, disappointment, disgust, or guilt. Our conscience plays a crucial role in regulating sexuality. A complete lack of regulation is just as problematic as excessive control.
Just as sex can evoke emotions, our emotions can also influence our sexual needs. Feelings of tension, loneliness, or inner emptiness can lead to seeking sexual partners or engaging in self-pleasure, just as love and passion can.
Opinions on masturbation vary, as people judge it based on their personal values and knowledge. One of its advantages is that it helps individuals better understand their own needs, develop self-control, and build confidence. However, like any source of pleasure, excessive indulgence can lead to problems. In relationships, it may interfere with shared intimacy and the ability to adapt to a partner’s needs, while for singles, it can negatively impact their willingness to seek new relationships.
Pornographic content is easily accessible today, providing instant gratification. However, it can become addictive and has severe side effects. By portraying a fabricated and staged version of sexuality, it can lead to adopting unrealistic behaviors in real-life encounters. Many do not realize that pornography objectifies intimacy and erotic desires, devaluing even the actors involved.
Sex addiction develops when a person cannot resist impulses and instincts, thus yielding to internal compulsion despite knowing they shouldn’t. This can be harmful to both themselves and others, causing loss of control, conflicts, distractions from important matters, and a decline in overall performance.
Distressing sexual experiences can lead to trauma. The most significant risk factor is being a victim of sexual harassment or assault, which can severely damage self-esteem and confidence. Survivors may struggle with guilt and, in extreme cases, feel their body has lost its value, leading them to seek out extreme situations that bring them no real joy.
If someone has endured physically and/or emotionally painful sexual experiences, we strongly recommend seeking professional help from a psychologist, psychotherapist, or psychiatrist.
Beyond emotional difficulties, an irresponsible sex life can lead to further complications, such as sexually transmitted diseases or unintended pregnancies.
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